Hear from Oklahoma foster mothers on the impact foster care has on them  

OKLAHOMA – Tori Savage was walking up to her house after a long day of work as a registered nurse at St. Francis Pediatric ICU.  

Her foster daughter saw her through the glass and ran to the front door. As Tori picked her up, the 18-month-old grabbed her face and started kissing her cheeks. A memory Tori said will stay with her forever.  

Tori and her husband, Virgil, became foster parents in February of 2022. Within the first 10 hours of opening their home, they had a seven-day-old placement on the way. Over the past year, they’ve had five placements, some coming from as far as Seminole, OK. 

“It’s hard,” she said. “It’s also worth it.”   

Tori said she’s always wanted to foster, and although there have been challenges and hiccups, she believes foster care has made her family better.  

“We learned a lot and then really just been able to see how big God is,” she said.  

Tori said her view of foster care has evolved to include the entire family, not just the child in her care.  

“When you go through the foster care training, and we always forget about it because it’s the first day, one of the principles is that you’re going to be there for the natural parents too,” she said. “You’re signing on to take the foster kid – you’re signing on to love and nurture those parents too.”   

She said through her journey, she’s learned that it’s not about whether she can raise the child better, but if the parents are safe for the child to go back home.  

“If I’m saying that they can’t get better than that’s saying that God can’t do it,” she said. 

Tori said her favorite aspect of being a foster mom is seeing these children get better. One child in Tori’s care was born at one pound, seven ounces and spent eight months in the NICU. She couldn’t support her head or roll over when she was placed in Tori’s care in March of 2022.  

“We got her in all the therapies, and I think by August, she was able to sit up by herself,” Tori said. “She was able to crawl, she was pulling up to stand, taking bites – it was a big deal to see her get better.” 

Dancie Melton, a foster mom in Paden, said her favorite aspect of being a foster mom is seeing the gospel at work.  

“My favorite part about being a foster mom is, I feel like I get a really up-close view of healing and God working in people’s lives and in my kids’ lives,” she said.  

Dancie and her husband, Jonah, have been foster parents since November of 2020. They fostered four kids, ranging from 14-years-old to one-year-old. They’ve adopted the three oldest and are waiting to adopt the youngest child.  

“These kids made me a mom,” she said. “I’ve seen my kids go through absolute hell and back – through things kids should never have to go through. And then they still open their hearts and their lives to be loved and to love people.”   

Dancie said her kids are the definition of love. From the moment she saw them, she loved them.  

“They made me brave, and they’ve made me vulnerable, and they’ve made me love without thinking about it,” she said. “They’ve made me a better person.” 

Dancie always knew she wanted to be involved in foster care. 

“I remember talking to [Jonah] about it when we first started dating,” she said. “I knew at some point, I wanted to be involved. I didn’t think it would ever mean adopting four children, but it has always been something that’s been in the back of our minds and hearts.” 

As she began her journey into foster care, she realized she had been wearing rose-colored glasses. She learned that there are a million different outcomes to cases and that everyone involved has a story to tell.  

One of the biggest challenges of being a foster mom is being at the forefront of brokenness and working through a complex system, she said.  

“It’s 1000 times harder than you think it’s going to be, but it’s a million times more worthwhile than you ever think it will be,” she said.  

Dancie said she’s learned that there’s no room for competition. She can love more than one child and her children can love more than one mom.  

“Our family, God has redeemed it and made it beautiful,” she said. “But also like, in a perfect world, our family wouldn’t even exist.” 

Jessie Dewey, a foster mom in Tulsa, said becoming a foster parent was more diverse than she expected with her heart being pulled in so many different directions.  

“There’s this really strange dance that you enter into of like joy and pain,” she said. “I think foster care is joy and pain. I think that is what it is. It’s born out of brokenness. But then, it opens the door to see beauty being born. It opens the door for redemption. It opens the door for a turn of a kid’s story and even a family story.” 

Jessie and her husband, Lee, have been foster parents for five months along with their three biological kids, a 15-year-old, a 13-year-old, and a 6-year-old. Jessie described foster care as an emotional rollercoaster.  

“It’s joy and it’s pain,” she said. “You know, when you’re joyful, you’re still heartbroken and when you’re heartbroken you can still see joy.” 

A gift that foster care has provided the Dewey family is the opportunity to walk together and help teach their kids how to lean on their faith.  

“I truly believe as Christians, we’re not called to be comfortable,” she said. “We’re called to be uncomfortable. And so that has been something I’m very thankful for with foster care is it’s letting us walk alongside our own kids in that uncomfortable space that I believe that God has called us to do.” 

Although they’ve been faced with hard questions and challenges, Jessie said her community has rallied around her family and the five-month-old child in their care.  

“Foster care in our home, I feel like gave this huge opportunity for our community around us to show love,” she said. “They jumped in on it and went above and beyond and still do.” 

Diapers, formula, meals and even a rocking chair have shown up on the Dewey front porch. More importantly, there have been prayers from more people than Jessie could count.  

“We’re going to love him in our home, as long as God calls us to love him within our home,” she said. “If he does have to leave our home, for whatever reason, there’s this part of me that can rest on how many people know of him and have prayed over him and his life, wherever God’s will will take him, whether that be in our home or someone else’s.” 

Jessie said anyone who is thinking about becoming a foster parent needs to ask themselves: Are you willing to truly love the family where your child came from? 

“Making sure to honor and respect and support the family that your child came from is really, really, really necessary,” she said. 

Anyone interested in learning more can find more information on 111project.org.